it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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