we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
