I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
