I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize