you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
