6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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