my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize