i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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