i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
