____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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