I want to have your abortion
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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