youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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