i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
