why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
