this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
