I seem to have left my pride at pride
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
