I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
