You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I supernannyed him into submission
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