You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
