You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I still have a little drunk in my system
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
