Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
