just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
