well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize