I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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