this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize