I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Can I color on your dick again?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
