If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Less talking, more tequila
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
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