you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
