My sheets look like a crime scene.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
