I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
