My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Pooping to opera.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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