I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
my sisters under your porch take her home
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
