I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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