if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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