so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
