I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize