It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
