How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
