so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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