mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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