New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
