guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Randomize
