He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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