Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
