If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Your penis caused this!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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