i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
