Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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