I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
