The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize