the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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