So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i think i have herpe
just one?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
even my farts smell like vagina
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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