You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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