Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
