If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
smell my finger.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Randomize
