My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
