I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
