I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
