just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
