Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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