She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
