Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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