He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just had sex bonerless
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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