I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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