yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
