i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
And then my night got REAL pukey
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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