Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
