hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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