am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
