I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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